Friendly Advice
by jurassicanamal
Summary: It was a normal Tuesday evening when Ian Malcolm showed up in Montana unannounced, and insisted on dinner with Alan. Alan/Billy JP3.


It was a normal Tuesday evening when Ian Malcolm showed up in Montana unannounced, and insisted on dinner with Alan. Alan reluctantly agreed, but complained that Ian should have at least _called_.

And so that night they sat in the local bar, discussing Ian's new book. Alan pretended to be unaware that it had even been published, and smirked into his drink when Ian seemed truly offended.

"I'll send you a signed copy, personally," Ian promised.

Alan rolled his eyes. "I'll look forward to it."

After they both finished their meal, Ian wasn't ready to go yet, so he bought Alan his favorite drink; the conversation still revolving around himself and his book. After a moment of silence, Ian smiled and Alan knew something else was coming.

"So, what's with you and your hot dig assistants?" Ian began.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Alan replied, annoyed.

"Well, first I find out you were sleeping with Ellie, and now you've got Billy. So what's up? I mean, you're not sleeping with him, too, are you?"

Alan choked on his drink and glanced around to see if anyone had heard Ian's loud mouth. "No, I am not sleeping with him!" He hissed in response.

Ian nodded and was silent for a moment. "So, you wouldn't mind if I asked him out then?"

"…What?!" Alan's mind spun. _Oh, no, you fucking don't_. "Ian, you are unbelievable! He is _my student_. He's also way too young for you!"

Ian grinned. "Gosh, Alan, I had no idea you'd feel so strongly about this."

Alan felt his face heat up. "I just don't want to subject him to you. He has enough to worry about without you bothering him."

"I see."

Ian was quiet again, and Alan began to scold himself for reacting like he did. He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't hear Ian continue.

"Well, I'll just have to ask out that pretty brunette who couldn't stop smiling at me. She seemed interested. What is she, a grad student?"

"Huh? Who?"

"The brunette that showed me around the dig."

"Oh, yeah, that's Lucy. She's a good student. I'm her thesis advisor."

"Hmm, but I can ask her out?"

Alan snorted. "Give it a shot, but she's smart. Don't be surprised if she turns you down."

"Well, I'm only in town tonight. Think I'll get lucky?"

Alan sighed. "I don't _know_ , Ian."

They sat in silence for a moment until Ian started to laugh. Alan stared at him with a deepening frown and couldn't understand _why_. "What's so god damned funny?" He snapped.

Ian just shook his head and laughed. And _laughed_. He laughed until his face was red and tears were staining the corners of his eyes. Alan sank down in his chair, grateful that at least no one was staring.

"It's nothing," Ian gasped after a few more seconds. "It's just that, wow, you're really in love with him aren't you?"

" _What?_ In love? With who?"

"Ellie was right," Ian continued as if Alan didn't speak, "She said, 'Alan in so in love with that boy, whether he realizes it or not!' I guess I didn't believe her, but here we are!"

"Are—are you talking about Billy?" Alan questioned. Ian raised his eyebrows and nodded. "Oh, you are full of it, Ian; I'm _not_ in love with him."

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Alan, I know you're being willfully ignorant. Look, I mentioned asking Billy out—and called him hot—and you flipped. He's not even your student right now. Don't think I'm not aware of that. Then I offer to ask out that pretty brunette, who I'm pretty sure is younger than Billy, and was even crude about it! You didn't flinch! You basically told me, 'Good luck!'"

Alan opened his mouth to speak, but he ended up just gaping like an idiot. "That doesn't mean anything, Ian. Billy's also my friend."

"Uh huh, and you're in love with him."

Alan ignored him and changed the subject. "Just how much have you and Ellie talked about this anyway?"

"Oh, not much. During our last conversation, that's when she was convinced. She couldn't stop talking about it. She's thrilled for you, Alan. She wants you to have somebody. That's why I came out here, to meet Billy. I was supposed to see how you acted around each other, because she's only ever talked to Billy over the phone."

"You came all this way to see whether you could _confirm Ellie's suspicions_?"

"Her correct suspicions," Ian pointed out smugly. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure that Billy likes you, too."

"Ian, no it's… what?"

Ian smug smile widened. "Admit that you have feelings for him, and I'll tell you more."

"Damn you," Alan groaned and placed his head into his hands. He took a few deep breaths and spoke into his palms. " _Alright_. I…I love him, Ian."

"Huh? What was that? You were a bit muffled."

Ian chuckled when Alan lifted his head up at him and scowled.

"You win," Alan grunted, "I admit it. I'm in love with him. Happy now?"

"Very."

"Now, tell me why you think he likes me, too. _Please, Ian_ "

"Alan…he's so in love with you, it's crazy. I know I just met him, but you should see the way he looks at you when you're not paying attention. I bet he follows you around like a puppy and constantly helps you, willing to do the most miniscule tasks. I bet he's been doing it for years—before he was even your assistant."

Alan sat silent, thinking about what Ian said. Everything was true, but Ian had to have known. How could he have known? "Okay, how can you possibly know all that?"

"Alan, it's me you're talking to," Ian explained and laughed. "Plus, that's just more commentary from mine and Ellie's conversations. Alan, you need to tell him."

"I will, I swear. Maybe not tomorrow, or next week, but trust me, I will."

"You need to. You deserve to be happy."

Alan smiled, truly smiled, at the annoying mathematician. "Thanks, Ian. In your own weird way, you actually made me feel better about all of this."

"No problem, man. What would you do without me?"


End file.
